Male announcer: And now, nickelodeon and dreamworks'
Monsters vs. Aliens.
- ¶ mva ¶
¶ mva ¶
- ¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶
¶ it's us vs. Them
¶ foe vs. Friend
¶ brain vs. B.O.B.
- ¶ it's a super-freaky job
- Oh, yeah, it's freaky.
- ¶ mva ¶
- ¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶
- [cackles] - ¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶
¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶
¶ mva ¶
- [humming]
[knock on door] hello?
[knocking continues]
Coming. [humming]
Did you knock? - No.
- Hmm. Curious. - [chuckles]
- [humming]
[fizzles] aah!
Aah! - Wah!
- I don't understand what happened.
My calculations were perfect.
- Well, sometimes you do make a six
That kind of looks like a four.
- [laughs] more like four-get about it!
It was me, doc.
I switched beakers on you.
April fools', my friend! Ba-boom.
- Aw, no. [groans]
April 1st.
- April fools' day?
Okay, I'll take care of the turkey.
Susan, you do the stuffing.
Link, cranberry sauce-- fresh, not canned.
- But I like the canned better.
It keeps the shape of the can, even the ridges.
- Fine. And dr. C?
Hey! Get your head in the game.
The nine hours of football we're gonna be watching...
- You're celebrating the wrong holiday, b.O.B.
- April fools' is about playing harmless pranks on people.
- Pranks?
Yeah, right.
That's valentine's day.
Okay, while that roasts,
I'm going to be punkin' chunkin'.
- Poor, confused b.O.B.
- Really? - [laughs] classic.
- I wonder if I can just lock myself
In my room until tomorrow.
- Aw, come on, susan. Don't be such a prank crank.
- Link and I have a long-standing
April fools' day competition.
I won last year, after I convinced him
The base had been infected by a zombie virus.
I had my victory preserved as a stereoscopic slide
For posterity.
- I have raccoon eyes, don't I?
[both laugh]
- But you gotta admit, doc,
My foam gag slams the zombie thing.
- You got me, link.
- I have to say, you're taking this pretty well.
You're usually a lot more...
[groans] competitive...
Ugh!
- Indeed, I am.
I knew you were going to sabotage my experiment.
So this morning, I replaced your shampoo
With a gravity exacerbator.
- Can't...Lift...Head,
But feels...So...Silky.
- How heavy is he going to get?
- Pretty heavy.
- I've got you. Aagh!
[screams] [crashing]
- Ooh-hoo, right through the coolant tanks
In the sub-basement.
- And this is why I don't like April fools' day.
- Silky!
- Yeah, it starts small,
Like, "ha ha, isn't it funny?
I put toothpaste in your shoes."
Then one thing leads to another,
And before you know it, it gets out of hand.
- Pardon, but I need that to make
The marshmallow topping on the yams.
- Man, I wish today was already over.
- Well, that's simple enough.
Behold the time portal.
Just enter your target date here,
Flip this lever there, and it'll be April 2nd.
- Right, so on April fools',
You expect me to believe you have a time machine
Just sitting around that you've never mentioned before?
- I can see how this might look a little suspicious.
I do. [evil laugh]
- Hmm, certainly would be nice
To skip this whole day of pranking.
- Whoa, hold on there, suze.
You're the one who's always telling us
We can't take the easy way out.
- Really? I don't remember saying--
- Yes, I believe "stick-to-itiveness"
Is one of your common talking points.
Along with "gumption."
- Stick-to-itiveness maybe,
But I have never used the word gumption.
- Ooh, speaking of gumption,
I stuck bubble gum under the left throttle
Of monger's jet pack.
His jet pack!
- Aah! - Uh!
- Ooh!
[thud]
- Nicely done, my amphibious chum.
- Let's check it out.
Uh, you first, doc. - Age before beauty.
- I got both. - Guys.
You don't need to worry about the old bucket-of-water trick.
These doors slide up and down.
Ugh!
- [laughs] she's wet.
[imitates explosion]
- Antigravity water bucket?
- Yes, it does utilize antigravity to stay aloft.
But I have named it the infinity pail.
- Ugh!
- A super-condenser soaks up atmospheric moisture
To refill the pail again and again.
- Ooh!
- That baby can prank people 24/7!
- Go forth, oh, pail of infinite jest
And make mischief. - [laughs]
- Forget stick-to-itiveness.
April 2nd... [beeps]
Here I come!
[mechanical whirring]
Ugh!
Huh?
Whoa.
It's only been one day.
What could've happened?
- [groans] oh...
- Dr. Cockroach?
- Susan?
The prank, susan.
It was the infernal prank.
- A prank destroyed the base?
- Indeed...
Oh, should have listened to you, susan.
It got out of hand.
- [groans] I even put an eye out.
- Go back. Stop the prank.
- Which one? - It's on the list.
- Wow, that's a lot of pranks.
- Save us, susan. Save us!
- Don't worry, guys. I'll fix it.
I'm going to stop the doomsday prank.
As soon as I find it.
[mechanical whirring]
Ugh!
[growls]
He really needs to put a seat belt in that thing.
Ah! Seriously?
- Thank you. Your pen.
- No!
- Susan!
Way to ruin an awesome prank.
- That's the idea.
Pen prank foiled. Check.
- Wait, how did you know the pen was loaded?
- I'll tell you later.
If there is a later.
[beeps]
- General monger,
This briefing was supposed to start
15 minutes ago!
- Ugh!
Apologies, mr. President.
Jet pack trouble.
What the haystack?
[whoopee cushion deflates]
- Excuse me, that was meant for the general.
- Yeah, I got that. [whoopee cushion deflates]
- Ugh, forget about your jet pack.
You've got gastrointestinal issues.
[whoopee cushion deflates]
[embarrassed chuckle] it's a stealth whoopee cushion.
Both: Right.
- Okay, next--
Sneezing gas.
- Susan, glad I found you.
Kind of a delicate situation.
I know you had your heart set on making the stuffing,
But certain gluten issues have recently come to light--
- B.O.B., now's not a good time.
Sneezing gas.
[sneezes] [crash]
Ow.
- Okay, know what?
If it's that important to you,
Stay with the stuffing.
- Aah!
[muffled explosion]
Exploding gum, check.
Oh! Itching powder, check.
- I know we've had our differences,
But put 'er there!
- No! Aah--oof!
- Mm, sub-atomic hand buzzer?
- Yes. - Nice.
- Don't pull it!
Oh. Not so bad.
- [computer voice] firing confetti targeting missiles.
- Aah!
Gah! Why would anyone make such a thing?
Oh, what a day.
But it's over. It's April 2nd.
We made it! We're all safe.
Both: April fools'!
- What? I don't understand.
- This whole day was one giant prank.
- A brilliantly conceived elaborate hoax
Made up of ingenious props and devious holograms.
[snaps]
- [snap...Snap]
- So the list was a fake?
You made me do all those pranks to myself?
- Bingo.
- Admit it, suze. We got you but good.
Whoo-hoo!
We are the presidents of pranktown.
Ooh. [imitating explosion]
- [computer voice] warning! Danger! Danger! Danger!
- [over p.A.] all monsters report to the war room.
Immediately!
- It's bad, monsters. Disastrous.
Some kind of flying bucket's been dumping water
Into the ruptured coolant tanks.
- The infinity pail!
- Water in coolant? That's bad?
- The super-charged freezing capacity
Of the bases' coolant tanks
Combined with an endless supply of water
Could lead to a--
- [computer voice] deep freeze super-storm
Will send north america
Into a new ice age in five...
- So, really bad?
- [computer voice] four...
- Doc, there must be something you can do!
- There's no time!
- [computer voice] three...
- I'm assuming our frozen doom
Is thanks to you lunkheads and your pranking.
- [computer voice] two...
Both: Yes! - [computer voice] one.
[both whimper]
[ice crackling]
- [computer voice dies down] enjoy the new...Ice age.
Both: No!
- Doc, I've been through an ice age. It's bad.
[both sobbing]
- And we have condemned our friends and colleagues
To that wretched fate.
- Not to mention the rest of north america.
- If only the time portal actually worked.
- We could go back and not prank anybody.
[both sobbing]
- I'd say that's lesson learned.
- Uh, what?
- [snaps]
- What is going on?
- [snap...Snap]
April fools! [both laugh]
- Had the eggheads reprogram your hologram
To scare some sense into you two jokers.
- The truth is, I love April fool's day!
- You do? - Of course.
In third grade, I convinced the whole class
That there was an alien invasion!
Which is kind of ironic now that I think about it.
Anyway, I knew exactly what was going on
The whole time.
I played along to lure you into my prank.
I even got the general to help me do it.
- Nobody messes with my jet pack.
- The best pranks are the ones you never see coming.
- Well played, susan.
You are the April fools' champion.
- Thank you.
- I think it may be time
To amend our April fools' tradition.
- Yeah, it's not as fun as it used to be, you know?
It always gets out of hand.
- Now, who wants pie?
- You know I do.
- They look delicious, b.O.B.
- [laughs] happy valentine's day!
[laughs]
[alarm beeping]
- Code zebra! Scramble the jets!
Roll the tanks! We've got an intruder!
All monsters topside, a-s-a and p.
- [grunting]
- Hold the line, guys.
- No telling what kind of nightmarish abomination
We're facing.
Though I gotta admit, "little old lady"
Was way, way, way down the list.
- War cry!
Uh, I'll be over here. Ma'am.
- Ms. Klangpopper?
- Someone's appearance has certainly changed.
- Yes, the mutation-- - the moustache.
Your lip is in ruins, herbert.
- "herbert"? - Doctor c...
Do you know this woman?
- Yes. She was my second grade teacher and nemesis.
- Headmistress klangpopper, elementary educator.
- General w.R. Monger, base commander.
Now we got the pleasantries in our rearviews,
Tell me why you violated my secret base.
- No choice.
I've uncovered a mysterious gap
In herbert's transcript.
- No... You couldn't have.
Not after all these years.
- Did you honestly believe I wouldn't notice
You dashed out on your second grade singing recital?
- You didn't for several decades.
Besides, no--no one cares about that now!
I-I have a three degrees in advanced mad sciences.
- Then you should be able to do the math.
If I revoke your grade school diploma...
- Then my middle school years are void. And so is--
- Your high school diploma. Which means...
- My college degree is cancelled. And then--
- P.H.-De-nied!
Congratulations, "mister" herbert cockroach.
You've flunked life.
- [gasps]
- You mean the doc isn't a doc?
- Top mark, miss. Gold star.
- [chuckles] oh, gosh, thanks.
I was always popular with my teachers.
- And not so much with your fellow students.
Just a guess.
- Yeah, like that wasn't cool.
Can I help it if I'm a shining star?
- General, please. End this madness.
- Frankly, doc--er-- mister cockroach,
I like what ms. Klangpopper is saying.
- General monger, what are you saying?
- I'm saying make melody or lose your science license.
- Yes. Sing, herbert.
Sing! Sing!
¶ sing!
[beeps]
- But I-I-I can't.
- Guys, that thing with the toilet paper happened again.
- Aw, b.O.B., we've been through this
At least a hundred times.
[both grunt]
- That b.O.B., darn it all.
He just can't be taught.
- Excuse me? "can't be taught"?
Everyone can be taught.
You just need the proper teacher.
- I don't know. B.O.B.'s pretty hopeless.
- Ugh!
Not true. I learned the alphabet.
[clears throat]
"a," "q," 5, nose,
Dancing-robot and zoom!
- See?
- This desperate creature needs a professional!
- Well, if anybody can teach b.O.B.,
It'd be you, ms. Klangpopper.
- By blood, toil, tears, and sweat, he will learn.
- Looks like you're hitting the books, buddy.
- Am I ever!
[laughs]
[grunts]
Stupid books!
- We'll leave you to it then.
B.O.B.'s buying us time.
Grab dr. C and run!
- Aah!
- Dumb books! I'll teach you to teach me!
Aah!
- No! Without mad science, I'm nothing! Nothing!
- I'm just saying I always thought
His first name was "doctor." - really, link?
And he just happens to also be a doctor?
- Hey, his last name is cockroach,
And he just happens to also be a cockroach. Boom.
[thudding]
- Name the capital of the United States.
- Okay, let's call it pete.
No, no, no, wait, wait.
Donny. [laughs]
Donny u.S. Jackson, jr.
[singsong] nailed it.
- So we've got to get doc--
- Herb. - Over his stage fright.
- It's worse than stage fright, susan.
Much, much worse.
I genuinely cannot sing.
- Oh, come on. Everyone can sing.
- Oh? Observe.
[plays note on harmonica]
[clears throat]
¶ doh [shatters]
¶ re
¶ mi - aah!
It burns, it burns.
- ¶ fa
- So, that's enough of that.
- Told you.
- Let's try fractions.
If we divide this pie into--
- [gulps]
Nice. What kind of fractions was that? Blueberry?
[belches]
- Everyone can be taught.
- Light bulb!
Susan, you rocked karaoke night,
So how about this--
You stand behind a curtain and sing
While doc moves his lips.
Boom, singing!
- Whoa, I do not like cheating.
Another thing the other kids in school just loved about me.
- I agree with susan. - Thank you.
- But not her mamby pamby teacher's pet morality.
- Hey!
- Your plan is too low tech, link.
Where's the fun? Where's the mad science?
Ah, here it is. [evil laugh]
- Uh! What are you doing to me?
- I've reversed your subatomic structure,
Causing you to shrink instead of grow.
- Change me back! - Can't. But fret not!
- Hey!
- Mere minutes from now, you shall return to normal.
[feedback] - ew.
Do you ever floss?
- Focus, nano susan.
Row, row, row your boat on three.
- Row, row, row your boat?
Something wrong with this century?
- Ba ba ba! Now... [blows note]
One, two, three.
- ¶ row, row, row your boat
¶ gently down the stream
¶ merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ¶
¶ life is but a dream
- Well, the voice is a little on the girly side--
- So sorry!
- But you work with what you've got.
Way to beat the system, doc!
And shining star. - [gags]
Um, I think--I think I swallowed susan.
She's not coming out.
- Still... Not... Working.
- Maybe if we wait long enough she'll come out,
You know, the other way?
- Ew! Make him hurl!
- I'm afraid we have bigger problems.
- Maybe for you.
- Your subatomic restructuring was only temporary.
In ten minutes,
You'll revert to normal size.
And thus my head will explode.
- Still not going the other way!
- So...How'd I do?
- I'm on my sixth red pen.
You spelled your own name with two "o"s.
- Way to go, boob.
- If I sing a prolonged series
Of very specific auditory tones,
That might eject you from my esophagus.
- You are going to sing me out? You?
- The irony is not lost on me, susan.
[beeps]
- "x marks the spot"?
- The showstopper from tic tac toe,
The musical.
- I hate that show! That song is nauseating!
- Let us hope so.
For I must sing it now, note for note.
Our very lives depend on it.
- All the confidence in the world, doc.
You're gonna nail this.
But if you don't, can I have your thing that goes--
Vzzzzzz, vzzzzzz, vzzzzzz?
What's that thing called? It's cool.
- Breathe in, breathe out.
Perhaps a simple art project.
All you need to do is glue the macaroni to the can.
There is absolutely no wrong way to--aah!
- Help! Help!
I did it wrong! Ms. Klngpuffr? You here?
- Enough. I admit defeat.
Not everyone can be taught.
- So we're all learning something today. Oop!
[squishy thud]
- ¶ they say cheating's just a game ¶
¶ and winning's all that ma-- ¶
I-I can't do it.
- Sing! I can't control this much longer!
- You've gotta sing, doc! You don't have a choice.
- Yes, herbert. You don't have a choice.
- Time to sing or get off the pot.
- [sighs] here we go.
¶ they say cheating's just a game ¶
¶ and winning's all that matters ¶
¶ but winning's not so sweet
¶ if my honor is in tatters
¶ I thought my plan so clever
¶ certain no one would suspect
¶ but you saw me erase your center "o" ¶
¶ and substitute my "x"
¶ mama told me cheating's
¶ not the right way to go
¶ that's no way to win at life ¶
¶ let alone tic tac and toe
- Ah.
- Uh! Stop! - Whoa, whoa!
- Bring it on home, doc.
- ¶ that's no way to win at life ¶
¶ let alone tic tac and toe
¶ whoa, whoa, whoa
[gags] - ugh.
I have never needed a shower more than this moment.
- Did I pass?
- You were off-key, flat,
And for some reason,
You saw fit to regurgitate a full-grown woman.
I'm giving you a "d" minus minus.
- Which is a passing grade.
Huzzah!
- Looks like you're back in the mad science game.
- Way to go, herbert!
- Excuse me, my name is dr. Cockroach.
[evil laugh]
[squishy thud]
[futuristic music]
¶